In a world that often seems to demand our constant attention and energy, learning to say ‘yes’ to yourself is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity. Self-advocacy is about recognising your worth, voicing your needs, and taking action to ensure those needs are met. It’s about standing up for yourself with the same ferocity you would for a loved one. Let’s explore how you can master this essential art and start prioritising yourself.

Understanding Self-Advocacy

1. Self-advocacy is the ability to speak up for yourself and make your own decisions about your life. It involves:
   Knowing yourself and your needs
2. Being aware of your rights and responsibilities
3. Communicating your thoughts, desires, and feelings effectively
4. Making informed choices that align with your values and goals
   At its core, self-advocacy is about recognising that you deserve the best—because you do.

The Importance of Saying ‘Yes’ to Yourself

Saying ‘yes’ to yourself doesn’t mean being selfish or ignoring the needs of others. Instead, it means:

• Recognising your inherent worth
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Prioritising your wellbeing
• Making choices that align with your values and goals
• Investing in your personal growth and happiness

When you consistently say ‘yes’ to yourself, you build self-respect, boost your confidence, and create a life that truly fulfils you.

Overcoming the Guilt of Self-Prioritisation

Many of us, especially women, have been conditioned to put others’ needs before our own. This can lead to feelings of guilt when we try to prioritise ourselves. Remember:

• Self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary for your wellbeing and ability to care for others
• You can’t pour from an empty cup—taking care of yourself allows you to be there for others more effectively
• Your needs and desires are valid and important

Practical Steps to Master Self-Advocacy

1. Know Your Worth

Understanding your intrinsic value is the foundation of self-advocacy. You are worthy of love, respect, and fulfilment simply because you exist.

Exercise: Write down 10 things you appreciate about yourself. Include personality traits, skills, and accomplishments. Read this list daily as a reminder of your worth.

2. Identify Your Needs and Wants

To advocate for yourself, you need to know what you’re advocating for. Take time to reflect on what you truly need and want in various areas of your life.

Exercise: Create a ‘needs and wants’ list for different aspects of your life (e.g., career, relationships, personal growth). Be specific and honest with yourself.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for self-advocacy. They help you protect your time, energy, and emotional wellbeing.

Tips for setting boundaries:

• Be clear and direct about your limits
• Use “I” statements to express your needs
• Remember that it’s okay to say no
• Consistently enforce your boundaries

4. Communicate Effectively

Effective communication is key to self-advocacy. Practice expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and assertively.

Technique: Use the DESC script for difficult conversations:

• Describe the situation objectively
• Express how you feel about it
• Specify what you need or want
• Consequences (positive or negative) of the action

5. Make Informed Decisions

Self-advocacy involves making choices that align with your values and goals. Take time to gather information and consider your options before making decisions.

Tip: For big decisions, try the 10/10/10 rule. How will you feel about this decision in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years?

6. Celebrate Your Successes

Acknowledge and celebrate when you successfully advocate for yourself, no matter how small the victory. This reinforces the behaviour and boosts your confidence.

Idea: Keep a ‘wins’ journal where you record instances of successful self-advocacy.

Saying ‘Yes’ to Yourself in Different Areas of Life

Career

• Ask for that promotion or raise you deserve
• Speak up in meetings and share your ideas
• Seek opportunities for professional development

Relationships

• Express your needs and desires to your partner
• Set boundaries with friends and family
• Choose to surround yourself with supportive people

Personal Growth

• Invest time and resources in learning new skills
• Prioritise self-care activities
• Pursue hobbies and interests that bring you joy

Health and Wellbeing

• Make time for regular exercise
• Prioritise sleep and rest
• Seek medical care when needed, including mental health support

The Balance: Dreaming of the Future While Appreciating the Now

While self-advocacy often involves working towards future goals, it’s crucial to find balance by appreciating your current life. Here’s how:

1. Practice mindfulness: Take time each day to be fully present in the moment.
2. Express gratitude: Regularly acknowledge the good things in your life, no matter how small.
3. Celebrate small wins: Recognise and appreciate your daily accomplishments.
4. Find joy in the journey: Enjoy the process of working towards your goals, not just the end result.
5. Regularly reassess: As you grow and change, your needs and wants may shift. Regularly check in with yourself to ensure your goals still align with your values.

Remember, saying ‘yes’ to yourself includes saying ‘yes’ to enjoying your life as it is right now, even as you work towards your dreams.

You Deserve the Best: A Mini-Course in Self-Worth

Recognising that you deserve the best is fundamental to self-advocacy. Here’s a mini-course to help you internalise this crucial truth:

1. Acknowledge your inherent worth: Your value is not dependent on your achievements or others’ opinions.
2. Challenge negative self-talk: When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and reframe it positively.
3. Set standards for how you allow others to treat you: Don’t accept treatment that doesn’t align with your worth.
4. Invest in yourself: Prioritise your personal growth and wellbeing.
5. Surround yourself with positivity: Choose to spend time with people who uplift and support you.
6. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a good friend.
7. Celebrate your uniqueness: Embrace the qualities that make you distinctly you.

Remember, believing you deserve the best doesn’t mean you think you’re better than others. It simply means you recognise your own value and are committed to honouring it.

Conclusion: Your Journey to Self-Advocacy

Mastering the art of saying ‘yes’ to yourself is a lifelong journey. There will be challenges and setbacks along the way, but each time you advocate for yourself, you grow stronger and more confident.

Start small. Say ‘yes’ to that extra hour of sleep, to pursuing that hobby you’ve always been interested in, to speaking up in that meeting. Each ‘yes’ to yourself is a step towards a more fulfilling, authentic life.

Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and the very best life has to offer. You have a voice that deserves to be heard and needs that deserve to be met. By mastering self-advocacy, you’re not just improving your own life—you’re setting an example for others and contributing to a world where everyone’s voice is valued.

So, what will you say ‘yes’ to today?